Three Ways to Avoid Your Parent’s Mistakes and Have a Better Love Experience | By Gabriel Olatunji-Legend
Today, I want you to say a prayer and I want you to say it passionately. If you can, put your two hands on your waist, swing your head from right to left and shout the name of your God 21 times before saying this prayer. If you are from my part of the country, this is the way some religious denominations pray.
“Oh God, let me experience the same thing my mum/dad experienced from each other in my own relationship and marriage”. Turn it into a prayer. In my dialect, they will say ‘Gba a dua”.
One more prayer before we go on, “let my love life be as sweet as my parent’s own, nothing more, nothing less”. Begin to ‘prayyyyyyyyy’. I am laughing, I hope you are too.
Why aren’t you praying the prayers? Shouldn’t you be able to comfortably say, “I want the same experience my parents had or have”? As for me, I CAN NEVER say that prayer and I know it’s the same for most people. Our parents weren’t worthy role models to us in the area of relationship and marriage. As an apostle in the area of Conquering Negative Patterns, I have to let you know that if you can’t say the above prayer, it is proof that you are already running with a pattern (idea, opinion and behavior) which may give you the same experience as your parents.
Don’t get angry at me, I am only showing you the psychology behind these things. I know you don’t want the same experience, you want something better. You want to love and be loved. You want to be happy and stay happy in relationship and marriage. You want a partner who will adore, respect and treasure you so much that others will begin to envy you. Isn’t it?
What I find bewildering is that although you don’t want the same experience as your parents, you are not actively doing things differently than they did it. You don’t say, I want a better relationship just by word of mouth, you plan for it.
What are you doing that will help you have a better experience?
Show me your Relationship Plan and I can tell you where your relationship is headed.
How Do You Avoid Having the Same Relationship Experience Like Your Parents?
- Research into your parent’s mistakes and do the opposite
I knew I didn’t want my parent’s experience but I needed to know why they had that experience. So, I asked questions about how they started, what led to their issues, what they could have done better, the mistakes they made, the assumptions they made and every detail I could gather. From my findings, I knew what my father did wrong and I was determined not to do the same thing.
If you are really serious about not having their experience, you need to first understand what they did wrong and avoid it.
- Replace the negative image with a positive one
Your mind is like a magnet, it will always attract what it is familiar with. This is one reason why those from broken homes also have broken homes. It is why if you are friends with someone who keeps breaking up his or her relationship; you may likely do the same. That is your mind attracting the same experience.
You need to replace all the negative feelings and emotions, the bad pictures of break-ups, divorce and unhappiness in your mind; replace it with positive ones. How? Start spending time deliberately with people who have opposite of what your parents had. You will pick lessons but more importantly, your mind will attract same for you too.
Stay away from friends who keep breaking up as though they are in a Break-Up Competition. Surround yourself with those that look like where you are going, especially in their word and action.
Also, get pictures of happiness and bliss in marriage and put this on your Relationship vision board; this is the picture you will feed your mind with daily. If you don’t know how to create a Love Vision Board, send me a private message – we can work that out.
- Develop Your Own Plan
This is where I need to ask you, what is your Relationship Goal and Plan? My parents never had one and without a desirable plan, the relationship will become undesirable. What will you do every day, week, month, and every year to keep your love experience renewed? That is what a Relationship/Love Plan is.
Love Goal and Plan
- Hug her
- Tell her “I love you”
- Kiss her neck and forehead
- Help her with something, no matter how little
- Hangout, see a movie or eat out with her
- Cook for her
- Review your plans with her
- Write her a love letter
- Travel with her
- Wow her on her birthday (put the date)
- Celebrate her on Valentine’s Day
- Mark 20 days of the year as gift days for her. It doesn’t have to be big gifts. It’s the thoughtfulness that matters.
This is just a sample of what your Love Goal and Plan can look like. Your plan must include date and time when you intend to implement them. Looking at this plan, do you think you will have the same experience as your parents if you create and implement yours?
Now, you see why our parent’s relationship had issues. As a coach, I am here to help you become the person you need to become for you to get your relationship to the altar and for you to have a happy, peaceful and amazing love experience. Knowing these things is not as important as implementing them. Get to work now and if you need my help, do let me know.
Don’t forget I mentioned three things, work on the three and your love experience will be better from today.
What other things do you think can be done to avoid the same experience with our parents? Share with me in the comment below.
I am inviting you to subscribe for The High-Value Partner’s Club (Online Group) where I help you get your relationship to the altar, coach you to become a High-Value Individual, and support you with tools that will help you have a happy, peaceful, blissful and amazing marriage? It comes with monthly subscription fee of N3000 ($9), Check out the other benefits HERE. | If interested, call or send an sms to +2347056634215 | Gabriel Olatunji-Legend